Beating the odds
by LioSky
Summary: Something was going on with Mike. He felt it, and Harvey had noticed it. It was not like it was the first time either. But this time it was nothing that either of them could control...
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1. The beginning**

Mike was sitting at his desk just staring at the flashing computer screen. His head was pounding, but he didn't really have the energy to do anything about the flashing. It was something wrong with the hard drive apparently. He had felt tired the last few days. Or not really tired, it was more like he was exhausted. He had felt more tired than usual the last few months actually when he thought about it. But he didn't want to think about it, because then he would have to do something about it. Like going to a doctor. But could you do that though. He felt a bit stupid when he thought about it. Going to the doctor because he was tired. _Why are you tired then?_ They would ask, and he would have to answer something along the way of _from working nonstop for weeks_. It's not so strange to be tired from that right? He had had this discussion with himself many times now. But at the same time he was kind of scared that it actually was something else wrong with him.

"Mike, what the hell are you doing?"

At Harvey's voice Mike almost fell out of his chair. He hadn't noticed Harvey walking up to his desk. Harvey had stopped at Mike's desk to give some files, but the guy was just sitting there, staring at his computer screen, that looked like it was broken. He wasn't working, just sitting there. And this while Harvey was waiting for two briefs from him. He had decided to just wait him out, but Mike hadn't noticed him. His face was kind of pale and he had dark circles under his eyes. He looked tired. Actually when Harvey thought about it Mike had been acting kind of off lately. Just the other day they had been talking and Harvey had thrown out a movie quote expecting Mike to come back with the next line from the movie. But he hadn't, he had just looked blankly at Harvey, and not replied at all, even though Harvey knew he had seen it. And now he was just sitting here doing nothing. At his question Mike jumped in his chair and almost fell out of it in surprise.

"Eh.. Nothing…I'm Sorry Harvey. I'm not really finished yet. I can drop them off to you later though." He said.

"Yeah, I can see how productive you are. Get back to work." And with that he left. Maybe he should have asked what was going on with the kid, but he had other things to worry about at the moment.

Mike on the other hand got back to the briefs he had been working on. He didn't need the computer for that. It took him longer than he expected. He had a hard time focusing. His mind kept drifting off. When he had finally finished he had dropped the file of at Harvey's office. The other man had just made some comment on how late it was before dismissing him.

He grabbed his messenger bag and left the building heading for his bike. He was about ten minutes in to the bike ride when he started to get out of breath. It wasn't the first time it happened. The other day he had been late because he had to stop for a few minutes to catch his breath. It felt like he had been running a marathon, and he had trouble getting enough air. What was going on? He steered onto the sidewalk and stopped next to a tree. Leaning against his bike handles with his head down he tried to take deep breaths. After a few minutes he felt that breathing was getting easier. But he still felt a little out of breath. He decided to just walk the rest of the way home. Maybe he had a cold or something.

When he got home was even more exhausted then before. His body ached. He made a few sandwiches, too tired to cook something. After he had eaten he went to bed and was asleep in minutes.

o-o-I-I-I-I-I-o-o

Harvey came early to work the next day. He had gone for a run and felt refreshed. Donna came in a few minutes after him and they had gone through the day together. Him and Mike were working on a case involving a couple, Tomas and Karin Eklund, who ran a successful business together and now wanted to merge with another company to be able to open up an affiliated company. Now he was going through the work they had done so far. Mike had handed in the briefs late last night so he hadn't had time to read through it yet. He did now. While he did he got more annoyed for every page. It was sloppy to say the least. This was nothing that they would be able to use. What was going on with that kid?

"Donna, can you get Mike in here?"

"Sure" she answered. And took up her phone and called Mike. "No, answer Harvey. He is probably not in yet."

"Well, can you go and check?" Harvey said absentmindedly and didn't see Donna's glare as she passed. When she got to the associates cubicles there was no sign of Mike. When she returned to her desk she once again picked up her phone and then called Mike's cellphone. After five signals she hang up. She stood up and went into Harvey's office.

"He is not at his cubicle and he is not answering his cell." She told him.

"He is unbelievable. Keep calling him, and get him in here."

o-o-I-I-I-I-I-o-o

Mike woke up disorientated. He had been dreaming, but a shrill sound kept ringing, interrupting the dream. Eventually he understood that it was his phone. It was on the coffee table. It was too far away. He didn't have the energy or the will to get up and answer. _They will just have to call again_ he thought. He turned his head and glanced at his watch. 9:38. _Shit!_ He was supposed to been at work ages ago. He had overslept his alarm. He sat up quickly just to fall down onto the pillows again, he had gotten dizzy and felt kind of like that he was about to throw up. He lay there breathing deeply for a while, trying to quell the nausea. After a few minutes it seemed to work, and he sat up slower this time and got out of bed. He went over to his phone and saw a few missed calls from Donny and two from Harvey. Apparently they had called him back, many times. He was in so much trouble. He got dressed as fast as he could, he still felt a bit out of it, and left his apartment. He decided against taking the bike this time since he felt unsure if he would be able to stay awake on it long enough to get to work. He hailed a cab and got in. He mumbled the address to the driver that had to ask him for it twice before he heard him. He was asleep not long after they started moving.

When he reached his cubicle Harvey was sitting at his chair waiting for him.

"My office." Was all he said as soon as Mike was within hearing ranch, and got up and strode away, not waiting for him.

"Harvey, look I'm really sorry. I slept through my alarm this morning. I didn't mean to be this late, I swear." Mike said as he hurried after his boss. Donny raised an eyebrow to him as he passed her desk.

"Close the door and sit down." Harvey said as he sat down on his chair. Mike silently did what he was told. Harvey didn't say anything, just sat there not looking at Mike but down on his computer. Mike squirmed uncomfortably on his chair.

"I'm sorry." He said again, eventually after at least two minutes of silence.

Harvey did look up at him then. He closed to computer and looked Mike in the eye until the younger man averted his gaze and looked down on his knees.

"This is not the first time this happens this week, kid. And what the hell is up with your work? It is so sloppy the any of Louis' minions could have written it!" he was standing up now, looking down on Mike. "It's like we are back to the first weeks you were here, when you didn't have a clue of what you were doing!"

"Look Harvey, I…"

"No, I don't want to hear it. Get out!" He turned and searched among the papers on his desk until he found the files he was looking for. He threw them in Mike's lap. "Redo this crap, I want it back in two hours."

Mike took the files and made it for the door. "I'm sorry Harvey, I have just been really…"

"I said I don't want to hear it."

Mike carefully closed the door behind him, files in hand and eyes on the floor. For some reason his eyes were tearing up. He felt so frustrated and tired.

"Mike. Are you okay?" Donna asked him, seeing him just standing there next to her desk. But he just shook his head a bit and smiled at her.

"Just tired."

"So you sleeping in this morning didn't help then?"

"Not really."

And with that he was gone. Donna followed his slow pace towards his cubicle. Something was up with that kid.

o-o-I-I-I-I-I-o-o

It did not go well for Mike. He still felt really tired and had a hard timed concentrating. He found that he was reading the same words over and over again without noticing it. It scared him a bit. He also found himself falling asleep over and over for only seconds at the time, but it didn't really help his reading. His two hours dead line crept closer and closer and he was not really making any progress. He was really starting to get stressed out. Harvey was going to kill him. And all he wanted to do was sleep. He only had fifteen minutes now and he was far from finished. What was he going to do? He folded his arms on the table and rested his head against them, not caring about that his fellow associates could see him. But he couldn't fall asleep, so he kept his eyes open. He started to take some deep breaths to calm himself down. But he only got in a few before his chest started to feel restricted, and he hastily sat up, and tried to draw in deep breaths only to find he couldn't. He had to settle for panting. This went on for a few minutes until he felt that he could take somewhat normal breaths again. He drew a hand across his face, he was sweating. He looked around him, no one had notice what was going on with him. He didn't really know how to feel about that. On the one hand it would had been embarrassing, on the other he had just been in some real distress, and no one even looked up from their desks. What had just happened though? What was going on with him? He looked at the time on his computer screen. He had seven minutes. The good news was after that little panic attack at least he felt a bit better. He managed to continue with the files for a few more minutes until he decided that he just had to face Harvey's yelling once more. But when he got to the man's office he saw that it was empty.

"Hi Donna, where is Harvey?"

She looked up at him from behind her desk and watched him for a while. "He left for a client meeting."

"He did? But when? Why didn't he tell me?"

"Mike, do you seriously think that he wants to bring you along at this point? He is pissed at you."

Mike signed. "Yeah, I know."

"Do you have the files?"

"Ehm… Actually they are not finished yet." He didn't say anything else, and wouldn't look at her.

"Okay." Was all she said. Then she waited for him to continue. "How long will he be gone? Do you think I can go and finish them before he gets back?" She didn't answer, just looked at him with one raised eyebrow. "Okay, I'll just go and do that then."

It took him an hour. To his relief Harvey's office was still empty as he approach Donna's desk. He went by her and into the office and put the files on the desk. He stopped next to Donna on his way back.

"Could you tell him I was on time with them?"

"I will do my best." She said and smiled at him. He just nodded without smiling back. All of a sudden he got the unexplainable urge of needing to cry again. "Thanks." He whispered and left. He didn't acknowledge her when she called after him.

Donna found herself sitting at her desk looking after Mike as he disappeared in the direction of the bathrooms. She had wanted to mess with him a bit about the files, but he had had this strange sad look on his face that made her change her mind.

o-o-I-I-I-I-I-o-o

The rest of the day was a struggle for Mike. He was still exhausted. At least he was extremely grateful that Harvey hadn't been at his office when he dropped off the files. He didn't think he could stomach another yelling at the state that he was in. All he wanted to do was to go home and sleep. He worked for some files for Louis a couple of hours. He went to buy something for lunch but didn't really have an appetite. He manage to avoid Harvey and Donna for most of the day. Harvey just dropped by to leave some more files for him. He didn't say a word only left them on his desk and walked away.

When he finally got home that evening he went straight to bed.

During the next few days his health was not improving. He felt constantly tired, had no appetite and could still not take his bike to work. His thought was to just wait it out and see if it got better. But that didn't seem to be happening anytime soon. Harvey also got more annoyed with him for each day that passed. He yelled at him a few times for what he called, slacking off, and for what Mike called, being too exhausted. He just couldn't seem to stay awake. Harvey took him with him to court, where he found himself dosing off not for the first time this week, unable to keep his eyes open. He startled awake for a hard push at his shoulder, and found himself face to face with an angry-looking Harvey. And at that moment he knew it had gone too far for Harvey. He didn't say anything until they were back at the office.

"If you don't get your shit together soon Mike, I will be forced to let you go. You know that. If you are not preforming as expected you don't belong here."

"But Harvey I'm doing my best. I'm sorry about today. It is just that I don't really…"

"Mike there is no excuse you can have that I would want to hear."

"But I'm not feeling well." Mike yelled at him, tired hearing the same thing from Harvey every time. "People get sick Harvey! And they can't help it!" He was standing there shouting at the man.

"Well, then get un-sick! You don't even look that sick. If you are that sick, go to a doctor and get it on paper. If you do, you can take a few sick days. I don't care. In fact it would actually be nice to not have to see your face for a few days." As soon as he said that he regretted it. But Mike just stared at him with an angry look on his face.

"You know what, I will just leave now, so you don't have to see me." With that he stormed out, not even acknowledging Donna as she tried to stop him. "Mike!" She got out from behind her desk and went into Harvey's office and closed the door behind her. "Donna…"

"No, that was way too harsh. Haven't you noticed how he has been lately?"

"Yeah I have. He's an embarrassment. Yesterday in court he brought the wrong papers. The day before he fell asleep at a client meeting and today in court! I have every right to tell him off!"

"You told him you don't want to see his face. That's not how you tell someone off in a professional manner!"

"I'll admit that that was not an ideal thing to say to him."

"I would say. Fix it." With that she left and got back to her desk where she adjusted her chair so that her back was against him. He guessed that he would have to do just that before she would turn her chair back. Without another word to her he passed her on his way to look for Mike. The kid was not at his desk, and his things was already gone. He had apparently taken Harvey's words to heart and left for the day. Mostly to be able to say to Donna that he had tried to find Mike, Harvey took the elevator downstairs. He might still be by his bike. But there was no sign of him. So Harvey went back up to his office.

"He left already." He told Donna.

"Call him then." She looked at him intently.

"Alright, alright. I will."

Mike didn't answer though.

o-o-I-I-I-I-I-o-o

There had been a cab waiting outside Pearson Hardman when Mike got out. Harvey called when he was in the car, but he didn't answer. He didn't want another lecture about leaving in the middle of the day. When he got home he changed clothes and went to lie down on his couch. He couldn't relax though. Harvey's words were ringing in his ears. Was he going to get fired? His whole body felt weird, and after the stairs up to his floor he was a bit out of breath. Maybe he just should go and see a doctor. While he was thinking in these terms he grabbed his phone, and after a few calls he managed to book an appointment for the same evening. After that he set his alarm and went to sleep.

He slept for a few hours before he took a cab to the hospital. He had had some trouble with getting an appointment, but after he told them about his symptoms they agreed to squeeze him in for an appointment.

He had to wait for ten minutes before he was called in. The doctor asked him a bunch of routine listened to his chest after which she told him that she wanted him to do an X-ray. While he was laying on the table he thought that he maybe should feel worried, but he just felt numb. Numb and exhausted. He closed his eyes and tried to ignore the sounds around him, and drifted off to sleep. A male nurse woke him up when he was finished and he felt a bit embarrassed, but the nurse reassured him that it happened all the time.

"Hi Mike," his doctor was waiting for him outside the examination room. "I'm going to take a look at your test result and let you know what I find as soon as possible. Go home and get some rest now." She smiled at him and patted him gently on his arm. He stared at her hand on his arm, and suddenly felt tears coming to his eyes. He thanked her and left as soon as he could. He wasn't sure if she noticed. He took a cab back to his place, and then did what the doctor told him. It was pretty late anyway. He felt reluctant to go back to work the next day. He thought about what Harvey had said. Some of it had been really hard to hear. The threat of being fired were always there, in his mind, floating around like a ghost. Some time ago Harvey had told him to thrust him, that he wouldn't fire him, but now he seemed like he was prepared to take those words back. _I'll be forced to let you go_. _If you are not preforming as expected you don't belong here_. That hurt. He was trying so hard. Why couldn't Harvey see that? Because he doesn't care, was the answer his mind came up with. _But he does, he has done all those things for me_. But then Harvey had also said that it would be nice if he didn't have to see his face for a few days. That really wasn't a fair thing to say. He didn't feel like all of this was his fault. He couldn't help it that he got this tired. Stress was just catching up to him. But after all he was just tired, not really sick. He didn't have any papers to prove that that was the case yet, so he guessed he would just go to work as usual tomorrow. Just maybe try to avoid Harvey.

o-o-I-I-I-I-I-o-o

The next day came too soon for Mike's liking, but he managed to be at work on time and get some things done. He didn't have any deadlines during the day which he was thankful for. It meant that he didn't have to see anyone. He could just stay at his desk. And besides he didn't think that Harvey would want him on the client meeting. Unfortunately for Mike he was mistaken.

"If I could I would leave you here." Harvey said in the elevator on their way down after Harvey had come and demanded that he followed him right away. "I need you to pay attention to what Rosenberg's layers says and does, while I concentrate on him. I think he is trying to hide something."

Mike nodded to show that he understood. Neither of them brought up the discussion from the day before. In fact Mike decided not to bring anything up. He felt like there was a tension between them that he didn't know how to break. So his solution was to not say anything at all. After all he didn't want to make it worse.

The meeting went well for both of them. Mike managed to do what Harvey wanted him too, and Harvey seemed pleased with himself. When they stepped out of the building Mike's phone rang. He looked at the number and saw that he didn't recognize it. He looked hesitantly at Harvey.

"Take it." He said and went towards a hot-dog cart.

"Yes, this is Mike Ross."

"Mister Ross, hi, it is Siri Pettersson, your doctor from yesterday. We have gotten your preliminary test results back." She paused.

"Okay."

"Mike, I would like for you to come in and see me as soon as you can."

"Eh.. okay. Why, was it something wrong with them?"

"I would rather talk to you in person Mike. Would you be able to come in now?"

"Really? Right now? I don't know. I have a lot to do at work."

"I understand that, but I think that you need to prioritize your health at this moment Mike."

He was not liking the direction this conversation was going, and he felt his stomach tighten with worry. I certainly couldn't be something good when she wanted him to come right away. And the way she kept saying his name made him nervous.

"I will be there in 30 minutes. It that okay?"

"Yes, that is really good. Just ask for me at the reception."

"Yes, thanks."

"And Mike, if possible you are welcome to bring a relative or a friend."

"Okay. Maybe."

The call ended and Mike found himself standing and staring at the screen of his phone. Even after it went dark he couldn't tear his eyes away. What just happened? This had to be bad news. They even wanted him to bring a friend. Which he wouldn't do. Who would he even bring? Harvey? He was actually the only person he would even consider asking. But not now. No way. Not after yesterday, not after all the glares and annoyed sighs that Harvey had directed his way recently. No, he was on his own in this. Whatever this was. Now he just had to get Harvey to let him leave. One thing at the time he decided.

Harvey was leaning against their car eating a hot dog. He was watching Mike with a look that Mike couldn't read. He went over to him.

"Eh.. Harvey?"

"Yeah. Who was that on the phone?"

"It is kind of personal. I have to go."

When he said that Harvey face hardened and he stood up straight. "You need to go?"

"Yeah. Is that okay? I won't be gone that long. I just need an hour or two."

"No."

"Harvey, come on. I really need to go."

"Oh, now I'm convinced. Sure go ahead and go."

"Really?"

"No. What do you think? I need a report on what you saw at the meeting."

"And I will give it to you after I come back, I promise. I just have to do this one thing first."

"Seriously Mike? What the hell is your problem lately? I thought you was turning around today, but apparently I was mistaken."

"But, if you just let me explain."

"I'm not interested. I'm leaving. You go and do what the hell you have to."

"Harvey!" He shouted after him, but he had already gotten into the car and closed the door.

"Damn!" He rubbed his face with his hands and watched the car drive off. Then he turned away and tried to get the attention of a cab driver.

When he got to the hospital he found himself standing outside, unable to take the few steps that were needed to get inside. He felt like if he stepped inside things were about to change drastically, and a part of him just wanted to turn around and leave. But he didn't.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2. Tell**

As he stepped in between the hospital doors he kind of felt like his brain turned on a pause button. Without thinking anything more about what he was doing, or why he was here he walked up to the young girl behind the desk at the reception and announced himself, and let her know that he was looking for Dr Pettersson. He was told to sit down and wait and the doctor would be there shortly. He just sat there on an orange chair and stared blankly at a poster of a mother and child sitting in a waiting area similar to the one he was in. As he was wondering what the point of the poster was his name was called.

"Hi Mike. Nice to see you again. I'm glad that you were able to come on such short notice."

He just nodded as she started to lead him down the hallway. They walked into a room that looked like an office. He had expected an exam room.

"Please sit down Mike."

He did. She sat down behind what he guessed was her desk. Behind her on the wall was the typical children drawings that you could expect in an office of a doctor, along with a poster of all the muscles of the human body.

"Mike?" she said. And he realized that he had been a bit zooned off.

"Yeah, sorry. What is it that you wanted to talk about?"

"As I said on the phone we have your test results back now, and I have had a change to look through them. And I'm afraid that I don't have good news for you Mike." She paused.

He just looked at her. His heart beating hard in his chest.

"I'm really sorry to tell you that you have cancer." She looked at him with a sad smile. He felt like she had punched him in the face. His eyes started to water. He started to shake his head.

"No, that can't be right." He whispered.

"I'm really sorry."

"No. No, that…I… No that can't be right."

"I understand this is very hard to hear Mike."

"Yeah… But are you sure?" He refused to believe her. It had to be a mistake.

"I'm positive."

She leaned to the side and picked out some papers from a pile. She searched for the right one. She laid it on the desk in front of him. "What we are not sure about is the exact diagnose yet. Further tests need to be taken. But as you can see here, Mike, this is your results from the x-ray." she pointed to the black and white picture that apparently was his chest. "It is really hard to see, but do you see the areas over here and here" she pointed some more. "I'm afraid that indicates tumors." Mike just stared at the little dots on the picture. The only thing running through his brain was one single word: _cancer, cancer, cancer. _

Siri Pettersson watched her patient stare down at the x-rays. Every once in a while his whole body shuddered, but he didn't seem to notice. He was clearly fighting back tears.

"What is that?" he asked her suddenly. He was pointing on a formation at the picture. She turned her head to better see what he was pointing at.

"That is supposed to be there" she said in a friendly voice "this small dots and stripes you see here, however is not. These are most likely tumors." She said as she pointed to the white little dots that she knew was the tumors. She started to explain the picture more thoroughly. Mike's eyes never left the picture.

"Mike, I have consulted with an oncologist and shown him your x-rays. He will be your oncologist, and we will set up an appointment for you with him as soon as possible." She hesitated as he still hadn't looked away from the sheet in front of him. Was he even listening? She carefully leaned forward and put her hand on his shoulder. That seemed to wake him from where ever his thoughts were. He looked at her with wide glassy eyes. "Sorry." He mumbled.

"It is all right. I would like to talk to you a bit more about what Dr Lundin said. Is that okay."

"Ehm..yeah sure."

He didn't really want to hear what else she had to say. He wanted to leave. He felt like he wanted to explode. He had cancer. He had fucking_ cancer_. He noticed that his left leg was shaking, he tried to get it to stop. It didn't work. "Mike?" Shit! He was losing it. She was apparently waiting for him to focus on her. He forced himself to look up at her again.

"I know this is really difficult to take in. But I'm afraid that I we have to talk about this now."

He shook his head. "Okay" he shocked out.

"The oncologist studied your X-rays very thoroughly Mike, and these abnormalities is at your heart."

"My heart? What are you saying?" He almost laughed. "You are saying that I have cancer in my heart?"

"Doctor Lundin thought it was a high possibility for that. He wanted me to prepare you for this."

"But is that even a real thing? Heart cancer."

"Yes I'm afraid so. All though it is extremely rare, Mike. Doctor Lundin has never seen a case of his own, but he is concerned that you might have it. And your symptoms would fit into a description of heart disease."

"Okay." He whispered. The tears was so close now. He needed to leave now. He didn't feel like crying in front of this woman. He felt stiff and he was freezing. He bit his tongue hard.

"I'm really sorry Mike."

He nodded. He couldn't look at her.

"You will get through this Mike. We will just take one step at the time from now on. Okay?" She put her hand on his arm in a comforting gesture. As soon as she did a few tears escaped from Mikes eyes and trailed down his cheeks. He hastily wiped them away. Her gesture almost broke him. He wanted to break down and just cry, but he did his best to swallow it down.

"What happens now?" he whispered and removed his arm from her reach.

As she explained about treatments and what was about to happen next he really tried to pay attention, but found that he couldn't. And she seemed to notice. Because she stuck a few folders in his hand and told him to go through them later. As she stood with him when he was about to leave, she gave him a note where she had written down everything he needed to know about his appointment with his oncologist the next day. He knew that she was talking but had a hard time to register it. He was very thankful for the note. She patted his arm and wished him well as she followed him to the exit of the hospital. He stopped at the doors. What was he supposed to do now? He knew that he probably looked like crap, because his doctor hadn't left yet.

"Mike, do you have someone that I can call for you? To come and pick you up."

His mind quickly searched through the few options of people he had for that. Harvey? Would he come? But the thought left his mind as soon as it got there, and he shook his head.

"Let me get you a cab then." She didn't wait for him to reply. A few minutes later the car was there and she opened the door for him, said her goodbyes and closed the door behind him.

"Where to?" the cab driver asked.

"Eh… I… I don't know." Mike stuttered. Where would he go? What should he do now?

"Okay… Do you need a minute" The man in the front seat asked him kindly. Mike nodded and pressed his hand over his eyes for a while. Trying to wipe away a few tears again.

"You got some bad news huh?"

"Yeah." He sighed. He leaned forward and pressed his head against the seat in front of him. He was still shaking. He tried to take some deep breaths, trying to calm himself down, and to figure out what to do next. He should go home. But what was waiting for him there. Nothing. He didn't want to be there alone. And then he remembered Harvey. And the meeting. Harvey wanted his report. He had to go to work. As he sat up again he decided to just follow his doctor's advice, as he told the cab driver the address for Pearson Hardman. One step at the time.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

He had tried to calm himself down in the backset of the cab. The driver kept throwing worried glances back to him. He couldn't believe it. This was the worst possible news he could have gotten. He had played through a bunch of scenarios in his head before, but nothing that he had thought of compared with this. Heart cancer. Cancer in the heart. His thoughts was interrupted by the driver.

"You doing good back there? You are not going to puke or something?"

"No, I'm good."

"Cause it's no problem. I'll just pull over if you feel the need."

"No, I think I'm good." He leaned back in the seat and rested his head to the glass.

"Okay, that's good. You looked about ill before. I was just worried, you know."

"Yeah."

"So if you don't mind me asking, what was the bad news?"

Mike thought for a bit. Did he mind? "Well, actually… Have you ever heard of heart cancer?" he said eventually.

"Oh shit! Are you kidding me?" the cab driver sounded shocked as he looked at Mike in the mirror.

Mike found himself laughing a bit "Yeah, I really wish I was."

"That's is rough man. That is some bad news."

"Yeah… it is." He wasn't laughing anymore. He was trying to keep tears away. The cab driver seemed to notice.

"I'm really sorry to hear that." He said.

"Thank you."

"No, man. I know about that cancer shit. It is no fun. Do you know what kind of treatment you getting yet?"

"No, I just found out I have it today."

"Oh, so you had no idea before?" The man turned around to look at him, as he waited for a green light.

"No. Not really. I mean I have been feeling crappy for a while, but I never thought it was something like this." The man smiled kindly to him before turning his attention back to the road.

"I'm sure they will cure you." He said. And Mike couldn't come up with anything to say to that. He also couldn't hold back the tears any longer. But he felt a tiny bit better after talking a bit about it. He wiped his face and told the cab driver were to stop. They were outside the office building. He stopped and Mike found himself unable to get out. He didn't know if he was up for this right now. And he knew that he should just go home. He had the right to. He was a bit surprised when the door was opened for him, and the cab driver held his hand out for him. He took it, and got out of the car.  
>He fumbled his pocket for his wallet, but as he got it out, the cab driver shook his head.<p>

"No, man., it's on me. I'm not going to take your money."

Mike just nodded at the man "thank you." The man squeezed his shoulder, and smiled at him. And at his gesture Mike felt his eyes tearing up again.

"Good luck man." The driver said, and with that he turned around and left.

Mike turned and looked up at the building in front of him. He could do this. Just get through a few more hours, then he could go home, and deal with all of this. The cancer. In his heart. No, he couldn't think about it now. He had to push it away. He took a few deep breaths and drew his hands across his face a few times, before he stepped inside the building.

Before he had to face anyone at the office he went inside the bathroom. He couldn't believe that this was happening. He found it impossible not to think about it. This wasn't supposed to happen. It was so unfair! What had he ever done to deserve this? He looked at his pale face in the mirror. He done the same thing a few times before. He had run to the bathroom with a feeling of panic running through him. But all those other times had been different. This was different. He couldn't do anything about this. He looked at his watch. Harvey was waiting. But he had cancer. He tried to take a few deep breaths. Harvey was going to be pissed. He wasn't sure if he could face Harvey being pissed at him, but he guessed that he had to try. And he had a good reason to be late. But he wasn't sure if he would be able to tell Harvey about it yet. He would just go and see what happened. He slowly made his way towards Harvey's office. He was trying really hard to keep his composure as he neared Donna's desk. He almost broke down as she looked up to him and smiled.

"Mike" she greeted him. She let her eyes wonder up and down his figure. "You okay, sweetie? You look pale."

He found himself just staring at her. After a moment she straightened up in her seat. "Mike?"

"Eh.. I was just..." He hesitated. He wanted to tell her.

"What's wrong?"

Could he tell her? What would happen if he just told her right now? She would freak out on him probably, and Harvey would know. But this was so bad, he really should let them know. But how should he start?

"I need to tell you something Donna."

"What is it Mike? Are you in trouble again?"

"Yeah you could say that." And he felt tears accumulate again. Just at that moment he heard Harvey shout at him. Donna looked questionly at him. He opened his month just as Harvey shouted again, and he felt himself flinch a bit. He shook his head at Donna and went into the man's office. He heard her call his name, but he didn't look back at her. He had missed his chance.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Harvey was slowly starting to get pissed again. He was stuck in the case, and he needed Mike's input. But he was still not there yet. He really thought that the kid had straightened up a bit today. He had done well at the meeting, and Harvey had been inclined to look past the rest that had been going on with him. The yelling he had done had worked. He had felt a bit bad after it, but the next day they both had pretended like nothing had happened. And Harvey preferred it that way. But now the kid was taking strange phone calls again, and just left even when he told him not to. And that pissed him off. He glanced at his watch. It had been one hour and 20 minutes now. He was just about to call Mike, when he saw him walking stiffly towards his office, head bent down to the floor. Donna looked up from her desk when he came closer. Harvey could tell that she was asking him something, because the kids nodded a bit and answered her, but they were talking to quietly for him to hear what they were saying.

"Get in here now!" He yelled. Mike knew he was waiting, and he still stopped to chat. As Mike walked over to his office, he saw Donna throwing Harvey a disapproving look. Mike hesitantly stopped in front of his desk. He didn't say anything, and when Harvey looked up at his face he saw that he was a bit flushed and he wouldn't look him in the eyes.

"So?" Harvey said.

"So… what?" Mike asked. He looked confused.

"So what is your take on the meeting of course? What's with you?"

Mike had to stop himself from flinching at his harsh tone. He swallowed a few times and closed his eyes briefly. He wished he was back in the cab.

"Mike!"

The meeting, Harvey was asking him about the meeting. For a moment he had thought Harvey was referring to the doctor's appointment, but then he realized it was the meeting he and Harvey went to before that. It felt like a lifetime ago. But he had to answer something.

"The meeting… yeah… of course. I'm sorry."

"Well?"

What the hell was up with the kid? He was stuttering and repeating himself and explaining obvious things from the meeting.

"Let me stop you right there," he said "is that the best you got? That's not useful to me Mike." At the look on Mikes face after those words almost made him regret saying them. The kid looked heartbroken and close to tears. "Mike look, I don't have time to deal with whatever you got going on, so can you just get yourself together and we can move on, okay?"

"Harvey…"

Harvey put a hand up to interrupt him.

"Not interested." He picked up a few files from his desk and threw them to the kid. Mike did a pathetic attempt to catch them, but one file slipped from his grasp and papers spread across floor. Harvey just shook his head and went to sit down behind his desk, ignoring Mike, who ducked down to pick the papers up.

He had tried his best to tell Harvey what he wanted to hear about the meeting. But he couldn't really focus and while he was talking he saw on Harvey's expression that he wasn't pleased. The words he had said when he interrupted him had really hurt, and he felt that he was on the edge of losing it. He was trying! Then Harvey threw files at him which he dropped on the floor. The papers flew everywhere. And he was actually grateful to be able to sink down on the floor to retrieve them, just so that he had a chance to compose himself. He heard the door to Harvey's office open, and then Donna was next to him, helping him with the papers. She took the file from his hands and stood up and walked out of the office. He glanced at Harvey but he was looking at his computer, so he just left.

Donna was already waiting with the file sorted out for him. She handed him it, and went to sit down by her desk.

"What did you want to tell me Mike?" she asked him kindly.

But he couldn't tell her now.

"Thank you Donna, for the files." He said, and then hurried away. She looked after him and debated with herself on whether she should go after him or not. She stood up and walked over into Harvey's office. He didn't acknowledge her at first, and she coughed.

"Yes, Donna?"

"What is going on with Mike? Something is wrong with him. And you need to fix it, or he will break in half."

"It's not my job."

"Harvey, I know you know something is up with him, and it is bothering you."

"No, it's not."

"He was about to tell me something, but then you yelled at him and scared him."

"Donna, you have a point with all this?"

"Find out what it was."

And with that she left his office.

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

Mike sat at his desk, trying to focus on the files, and not on what had happened less than two hours ago. If he just could get through these files he could probably leave without anyone noticing. Just a few hours more. He could do that. He could do that, right? The words on the paper in front of him kept floating together. They were blurry and he blinked a few times and suddenly understood that it was tears that he was blinking away. He hadn't even noticed. He looked around, but no one was paying attention to anyone else, and was engrossed in their own work.

Somehow a few hours passed and he had managed to get through all the files except one that he decided to just do the next day. He hadn't seen Harvey or Donna. The fact that Donna hadn't stopped by bothered him more then he wished it had. He thought that she wouldn't let him get away with what was bothering him. He knew that she had noticed that something wasn't right with him, and he found himself almost desperately longing for her to come and check up on him. But she never came. And neither did Harvey, even though he hadn't really expected him to at all.

He left everything work-related on his desk, knowing he wouldn't get anything done at home to night. It was still early at night, and almost every one of the other associates were at their desks. As he stood and gathered his things he got a few glances that he ignored. He really hoped that Harvey or Louis wouldn't need him for something more this evening, because if they came by and saw that he wasn't at his desk, he would be in trouble the next day. Not that he wasn't already. Harvey was not happy with him. But he couldn't find it in him to care at this moment.

He caught a cab, and did his best not to think about the day's events or the folders in his messenger bag. He was successful all the way home, but almost as soon as he put the key in the lock to his apartment he felt something crumble inside of him. He was just so tired and his emotions were all over the place. He threw his bag on the couch and practically fell down next to it. He rubbed his hands across his face and leaned his head back, and looked at the ceiling. He then opened his bag and took out the folders he had gotten from his doctor. It was a whole bunch of them, one about cancer in general, one about heart cancer and different forms you could get, and a few about different treatments and support that you could get. He tried to look through a few of them, but couldn't continue. He guessed that they were supposed to be encouraging, but it felt fake. And all of a sudden he just felt so angry at his situation, and he took all the folders and threw them away as hard as he could, and watch them fly and spread around his living room floor. Hot angry tears ran down his cheeks, and he got up and found himself pacing around his apartment as he started to sob. At first it was not that bad, but soon he was crying really hard. He couldn't stop. He couldn't think. Eventually he didn't have the energy to continue his pacing around the apartment and just sank down into a lying down position on the couch, and just let his body shake from the sobs as he buried his face into the cushions. He cried himself to sleep that night.


End file.
